Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Oh, This Is Too Funny

CommenterYour+Conscience on Think Progress has a hilarious aggregation of all the excuses for all the f^#$ups by right-wingers over the last six years. I just had to quote it in it's entirety:
It’s the liberals. It’s the ACLU. It’s Clinton. It’s Monica. It’s the “climate of permissiveness”. It’s France. It’s the liberal media. It’s Clinton’s p*nis. It’s Hillary. It’s Gov. Dean. We never could have known they’d fly planes into buildings. “No actionable intelligence”. They didn’t tell us to do anything. O’Neill’s lying. Clarke’s lying. General Shinseki’s lying. The Union of Concerned Scientists is lying. Our own weapons inspector David Kay’s lying. Wilson’s lying. John Dean’s lying. Newsweek lied! CBS lied! Everyone’s lying but us. We had to lie. We never lied.

Plame outed herself. Her husband outed her. The liberals outed her. No one outed her, since everyone already knew her covert identity. Rove had nothing to do with it. No comment. Lib’ral, lib’ral, lib’ral.

It’s the libs trying to pull Schiavo’s feeding tube. It doesn’t matter that DeLay pulled his own dad’s feeding tube. “Culture of life”. It’s Janet Jackson’s boobs; it’s the Statue of Justice’s boobs. Reading the news might cloud my judgement. It’s the “decade our government…blinded itself to our enemies”. It’s the homosexuals wanting to marry. “Restore honor and dignity to the White House”. A decision to go to war wasn’t a decision to go to war. “No actionable intelligence”. It’s the pledge of allegiance. They’re taking God out of America. Osama didn’t tell us when, how, where, and by what means he’d attack, and he didn’t leave a forwarding address. The 9/11 panel is biased against us. Saddam = Al Qaida. Saddam = Al Qaida.

Chalabi’s an honorable man and I believe everything he says about WMDs. Chalabi’s a crook and he passed secrets to Iran. Chalabi’s the liberals’ fault because they didn’t shoot us when we started using his “intelligence”. Chalabi? I don’t know any ‘Chalabi’!

It’s just a few dead-enders. They’ll be gone when we capture Saddam. They’ll be gone when we capture Saddam’s sons. They’ll be gone when we hand over “sovereignty”. They’ll be gone when Iraq has elections. They’ll be gone in 12 years. They’ll never be gone.

We fight them in London so we don’t have to fight them, er, uh, well, can’t get fooled again!

Bolton didn’t lie! He just knowingly gave incorrect answers under oath.

Aw, so what’s another ISLAMIC STATE in the mideast? It’s not like Bush has made it a home for terrorists or anything!

No one could have anticipated that a category 5 hurricane aimed directly at New Orleans would have destroyed it! No one could have anticipated that they might need federal assistance quickly! Of course no one’s in charge of accepting the generous aid offered by other nations — isn’t that the mayor’s responsibility? Being a judging supervisor for the Arabian Horse Association is ample experience to head FEMA! It’s the mayor’s fault! It’s the governor’s fault! It’s Howard Dean’s fault! It’s CBS’s fault! It’s the Monica Crime! Ted Kennedy killed Mary Jo! Libtards killed Terry Schiavo! Wah! Wahhhhhhh!

It’s all these former staffers hawking their books. Money never corrupted anyone. “I’m a uniter, not a divider!” It’s the stem cells. It’s the feminazis, the intellectual elitists, and the ecoterrorists.

It’s Cthulhu. It’s the martians.

It’s anyone but Bush.
This is as complete a list as I have ever seen.

The Republicans were supposed to be the grownups, unlike the Democrats who were all into their "feelings" and wanted an "if it feels good, do it", amoral, licentious society. They were all about integrity. They were all about fiscal responsibility.

I have always been a social liberal and a fiscal conservative. I know that it is not seen to be fiscally conservative to support universal health care, but as an ICU nurse, I have seen the incredibly expensive medical care that could have been avoided if the patient had had access to early detection and early intervention to treat disease. I have known uncountable examples of situations where the patient could not afford to see a physician because they could not afford health insurance and they finally had to go to the ER because they could not breathe (Hodgkin's lymphoma, lung cancer, etc.) or any other catastrophic medical event.

ICU and ER care is incredibly expensive and a visit to a Nurse Practitioner who can prescribe a round of antibiotics for pneumonia, which would be paid for (with a small copay) by universal health insurance would be exponentially cheaper.

The insurance industry is incredibly corrupt. My credit is ruined because my own employer (the hospital where I worked) sued me for charges incurred at that hospital which should have been covered by the very insurance which they administered. I am being punished for their refusal to shoulder their responsibilities.

The Republican-led Congress has been spending money like Imelda Markos in a shoe store, but it has gone to corrupt enterprises such as KBR's contract to give clean water to our troops, which was found to be just as contaminated as the water in the Tigris River.

With the way the Republicans have been behaving, I have come to the conclusion that I would rather vote for Karl Marx's corpse over anyone with an "R" behind their name until they can prove they can act like old-school Republicans.

Then, maybe I'll vote for them.

Maybe, but not bloody likely.

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